Not Ready

I realize that I've been distracting myself. During the week I'm in class and it's easy not to think about things because I'm doing. But I'm a counseling major so it's kind of my homework to think about my experiences and how they've affected me. I've been having such a hard time with that. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like I'm apathetic, but I care about doing it cuz it's my homework and I want to graduate. When I sit down to do it I can't. And on weekends I find friends to hang out with. I go dancing, I watch a plethora of House episodes lol. And when I do all that I don't have to think about painful experiences or situations. Sometimes when I'm in class or watching tv I have flashbacks and I have to fight back tears. I'm not ready to face it though. I just hope I don't have an explosion. That wouldn't be good at all because then people would know that something is wrong with me.