Thank the Lord

I believe that I have figured out the source of all those health problems. Thank you to everyone who was praying for me! Especially my Sunshine girls Brittany and Jackie! Your prayers availed!

Here is a list of what my problems were:
frequent and chronic infections
joint/muscle pain, weakness and stiffness
hair loss
fatigue

I went to the doctor the other day to get things figured out. They prescribed me an anti-infective, but they didn't know why I was losing my hair. She asked me if I had been stressed out lately. I said no because I wasn't really. I'm out of school and don't have many demands on my life. Then I went home and remembered. I had the infections for a while, but the other symptoms didn't start until the middle of my last semester at MBI. The last semester was very stressful. And not only was there stress at school, but there was stress at home. So I was kind of bathing in stress for a while.

Now let's go back to my original condition: late-onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia (LOCAH). This condition is a disorder in my adrenal glands. My adrenal glands don't produce enough cortisol. Cortisol is also called the stress hormone. In someone normal, more of this hormone is released when the body is going through stress so that you can adapt/handle it properly.

This is when it hit me. I stopped taking steroids (which contains cortisol) because of the nasty side- effects. So I was going through all this stress with no physiological way to handle it all. My body wasn't producing enough cortisol for all of the stress I was going through so my body went haywire.

I googled my symptoms and found that the term for this is adrenal insufficiency which is not as sever as an adrenal crisis (which can be fatal), but can cause lowered immune system (frequent infections), fatigue, hair loss, and muscle/joint problems. Here is a link to an informative web site
http://www.thehealthierlife.co.uk/natural-health-articles/hormonal-disorders/adrenal-insufficiency-00160.html

Man was I relieved to figure this out. I've been taking some of my emergency steroids and my hair has stopped falling out. I may have to get back on steroids. I really don't want to do that so maybe there is a way that I can maintain myself on either a lower dose or just occasional doses when I am sick or stressed out.

I feel like there's a bag of bricks on my chest *health update*

Okay so some people know that I already have a condition called adrenal hyperplasia (LOCAH). This condition messes with my hormone levels (which can cause hair loss/thinning). I was hoping this was the case so I called my endocrinologist to check my levels. The hormone that was higher than normal was only a tad bit higher and shouldn't really cause any problems. This was a huge disappointment. If it was my hormones all it would mean is a tweak in medication. This means the hair loss is caused by another underlying issue. I couldn't get in to see the Infectious Disease doctor so he told me to try a dermatologist. I called and can't afford the doctor bill. I am officially screwed. I don't really know what to do, but ask for a miracle at this point. I'm really scared.

There's Always Something

If it wasn't one thing it'd be something else. I have been struggling with health issues for over a year. It's highly frustrating because I don't have health insurance. I HAD charity care but that only went so far and I can't figure out what in the world is wrong with me. In October I began to feel all over pain in my muscles and joints. I went to a rheumatologist, but test results came back normal. And now I'm experiencing hair loss. This is extremely frustrating because I no longer have the resources or means to figure out why this is happening. Another thing that makes it frustrating is my mother. She thinks I'm a hypochondriac so when I go to her for some kind of comfort (bc my freakin hair is fallin out and I'm scared I'll lose it all) she just brushes it off. Can a sister be heard, understood, and validated for once?

*Sigh* Once again I have no one but God to fall back on. It's been like this since I was a child, but I know that I'll be better for it. It's just hard learning these lessons. I know that when I'm in those lonely, hopeless places and I really think I need another human to validate me that's when God will meet me. He does every time. Meets me right where I need him.

So prayer is needed for healing. My prayer is that I'll not only be healed in body, but also that this situation would be used to heal something in my soul. This reminds me of a quote by Brother Lawrence, "The Lord often sends diseases to the body in order to cure the disease of the soul." This quote was actually the inspiration for the title of my blog because uses, not only sickness, but all kinds of painful things to make us better. This is the only knowledge that is helping me bear this pain more easily. 

Avarice

Avarice- insatiable greed for riches; inordinate, miserly desire to gain and hoard wealth

              excessive or insatiable desire or greed

I've been struggling with this. I've been trying to figure out why in the world I have this insatiable need to buy things. Someone told me I'm trying to fill a void. But what is the void? I did come to realize that when I buy certain things or when I find myself overcome with an excessive desire to buy something I think of myself. I think of myself with this new thing, but I'm not just lil ol' me. I'm the me I fantasize being. The stylish, hip, me who shows off her creativity to the world by wearing interesting clothes, bright nail polish, and funky eye shadow. *Sigh* the void I'm trying to fill is my identity. I haven't yet gotten it that my identity is in Christ. While it's great to want to show my individuality I have to remember who it is I'm showing off to. I want to show off to men. And who is man? Why do I seek the praise of men? 

So for some reason I feel like buying things will make me who I really am. That is a lie. The question is why do I think there is something wrong with who I am already? That makes me sad. 


When I have the urge to buy something new I buy it and I am happy for a few moments and then that happiness fades and the thing I bought isn't good enough anymore and I'll want to go out and buy something else. Now I'm realized that it's not the things that I'm not satisfied with, I'm really not satisfied with myself which ultimately means I'm not satisfied with Christ. How sad. 


I've been learning lately to base everything of who I am in faith on God and no one else. The things that I relied on people to do were things that I didn't trust God with. The question of me not being good enough is another issue that I'm not trusting God with. I'll have to pray against this. I'm open and willing for God to change me because I cannot change myself.